Family Matters: Being The Example

When people ask, if I am close to my family even though I live thousands of miles away and haven’t lived in Chicago since I was 18. A smile crosses my face and that answer is a proud YES. I love family and I love my family all of them including the crazies. Seriously, family is very important to me. I truly come from the tribe it takes a village. This was my true story when my mother passed and actually when she was a live. My grandmother was the staple, the root of our family. Alma Lenoir was everything to me. My grandmother, mother, friend, cheerleader, encourager and the list go on and on. Alma believed in you take care of your own and my mother and aunties adopted the same mindset. As a kid I lived with my mother and stepfather, however their was a period, I lived with my great aunt and great grandmother. Then back to my mother. During the summers we would spend a considerable amount of time at my aunt Mona’s house. In the home were my grandmother, aunt and her husband and two kids. During the holiday’s wherever grandma was, so was the rest of the family. There was such peace and love amongst all the sons, daughters and grand kids, not to mention a lot of good food.

When my mother passed, my sisters and I moved in with my grandma, aunt and uncle and their two kids. You can say it was a party at least some days. We had our own form of the “Brady Bunch” or “Good Times”. This stood true if a family member was between hard times or needed a place to stay for a while. Grandma and auntie Mona’s house was the place the transition took place. I’m pretty blessed to have a family like this. It not only showed me how close knit my family was, but it showed me you take care of your own. No matter how long you have to stretch the pennies or make adjustments, you do what you have to do.

From the outside no one knew that the first house we were in when we lived with my grandmother, aunt and her family was a three-bedroom house. That may sound big, but if you have five girls and three adults and occasionally another cousin or two, things can get a little crowded. The kids rotated beds and pallets. Gosh my eyes well up when I think about the sacrifice my auntie and grandma made. Also I think about how my other aunts Kitty, Santa and Tammy was right there to help pick up the pieces. They showed us that even thought mom wasn't there we had them as mothers also.  About a year or two after moving in with them, we moved into a bigger house that my aunt and uncle had built from the ground up. Now we had 4 bedrooms, so of course the girls were split. My sisters and I were in one room and my cousins in the other. My baby sister and I slept in the same bed until she was probably 9. We had a pretty big house and because of the way it looked, and the area people thought we were balling. We were not doing bad, at least it never felt like it because of the love and the family that was always around, but we were far from balling. We were family just doing what family does, taking care of each other. All of my aunts and uncles were contributors in raising us.

This summer, I experienced the same fullness and richness I had with family when I was a kid with my nephew Caleb and two cousins Justin and Hassan. Their ages range from 14-18. When I was home for thanksgiving, we started talking about them coming to California to visit. They were excited and wanted to come. Now my reasons for them coming was because I believe in kids/teenagers getting out of their neighborhoods and seeing something different. It’s one thing to see it on TV, but to experience it for self is a whole different level. Justin is going to college and Hassan will be going in a year, so I thought it would be cool for them to just see Cali. Caleb has been here before and he has stated that USC is one of the schools he has on his list. Sidebar, I really want them all to go to an HBCU, but I digress. Having the three of them here I thought would just be cool. For them, I think they just wanted to get away from their brothers and sisters and possibly some responsibilities they have at home. So the age range was 14-18, I was a little nervous at first, because I’m like oh gosh the 14 year old is so young, are they going to mess with him? You all know how boys are, they play fight, crack on each other etc. Well they did do that, but it wasn’t in a malicious way. From an adult and growing up with cousins and siblings. I can see what they were trying to teach each other and especially the younger one. With him transitioning into high school, there are a lot of things that go down and they were preparing him. Of course they gave him tips on how to holler at girls, but when I listened to their conversations, they were all so cool and was simply amazing young men. The advice they were given him and each other was full of wisdom and love. As we talked over the week, I learned even more about my family. For one, whomever they are with are some lucky ladies, but the cool thing is they feel the same way about the girls. They talked about politics, music, women, sex, and school, black lives, being young black men in Chicago. Overall just being true to who you are. Now my nephew knows these things, because my sister does a great job with him. However it is different hearing it from your older cousins you look up to. Heck it’s great for me hearing from the young men in my family, it gives me a peace knowing that all are little talks and me calling home checking on them and infusing myself in their lives is not in vain. Being a thousands miles a way from your family requires work. Work that is, if you want to impact your loved ones.

When I think about my family overall, I must say I have a pretty darn good family. Things were or are never always peaches and crème. However when you have people in your corner, it pushes you forward and that is what I want to do for the younger generation in my family. I want them to know that they always have my support, my ear and my love. I want them to know that they can do anything they put their mind and energy towards. I want them to know that family matters and that they are the examples for their sisters, brothers and cousins that comes after them.